[SEL] Technical Shop Terms Explained (a little off any topic)

[Mark Kennedy]

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat  
metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest  
and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted  
vertical stabilizer which you had carefully set in the corner where  
nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere  
under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints  
and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you  
to say, "Oh darn..."

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation  
of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor  
touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board  
principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable  
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more  
dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt  
heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer  
intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the  
conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various  
flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the  
grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing  
race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood  
projectiles for testing wall integrity.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any  
known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any  
possible future use.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to  
cut good aluminium sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into  
the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the  
outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength  
of everything you forgot to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN * x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that  
inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end  
opposite the handle.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under  
lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil  
on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out  
Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to  
convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or  
bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is  
used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts  
adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage  
while yelling 'DAMMIT!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most  
often, the next tool that you will need.


Mark Kennedy
Ballarat, Victoria, Australia

Registrar for the WING Gauge & Instrument Co.
http://www.oldengine.org/members/kennedy

'Training Down Under with the majesty of the South Australian Railways'

All aboard the Pichi Richi Railway! http://www.prr.org.au/

***********************************************************
Important - This email and any attachments are confidential. If  
received in error, please contact us and delete all copies. Before  
opening or using attachments check them for viruses and defects.  
Regardless of any loss, damage or consequence, whether caused by the  
negligence of the sender or not, resulting directly or indirectly from  
the use of any attached files our liability is limited to resupplying  
any effected attachments. Any representations or opinions expressed  
are those of the individual sender.